I don’t have any elegant way to say it, but right now marks the two year anniversary of my kidney transplant. !!! I’m deeply thankful for you. The people that have supported me, my music and this crew for years. You’ve heard us say it before, but we wouldn’t have anything without you all being here with us. I’m not gonna go into it too much here. But know..
Making We Don’t Even Live Here and then having to put the breaks on my career and the life I was used to, what’s been my life’s work, without ever getting the chance to really promote that record or hit the road and play those songs, was devastating. Being on the road, for a guy like me, is where you test and refine songs, as well as get the juice to keep it going. Keep wanting to write. Keep wanting to say anything to anyone. I get a lot of my personal validation from you. For better or for worse. And when I wasn’t able to tour ON TOP of having to stop thinking about my rad life, and start thinking about manually operating my own kidney with dialysis.. Brutal. Dumb.
Anyway, you guys helped a ton. In fact, Mary, my manager (the best btw), hand wrote every single comment you guys left on the donation site when I was raising transplant money into a book that she gave me when I was laid up. Reading that was, and still is, emotional for me. I have nothing but pure gratitude for any actual fan I have.
I’m not the best at talking to people in real life. I’m better, and just a little better, at songs. That whole time was deep and real. It’s been hard to really reconnect with the place my head was during that time.
Without getting too personal, my people really came through for me. All of them. Andi, my youngest son’s mom, held me down when I was possibly the worst version of myself I could be. Not letting myself fear my own death. Closed off. Fully in denial of what was in front of me. Not attempting to let anyone understand. My crew, both my Doomtree people and my Totally Gross people. Expelling whatever energy they could to show love and support even if me being sick scared them. It sucks to look at your own mortality, or your friends. And we are young. There’s so much cooler stuff to look at. My oldest kid, Jake, playing it cooler than I ever could. Saying just the right things at just the right time. So much more I’m not gonna say.
Anyway. Thanks.
Here’s a song.
It’s about all that I was just talking about, being black, beefs, loves, hurts, victories, pride and the future.
The guest rap verses are a dream sequence.
The choir is my mind opening.
I sang the chorus melody to myself for a week. Then I sang it to Eric Mayson and he put the words in the chorus. I rewrote the first 8 bars to fit it.
I made the beat at one of my oldest friend Grant’s house on a mountain in Southern California using a synthesizer called a Sleepdrone5.
Ryan wrangled Allan.
Beak wrangled me.
Mary wrangled Kathleen Hanna after Mandy suggested it. I thought that could never happen! She read the lyrics before saying yes and told me she felt inspired. There’s another 30 minutes of her I couldn’t find a place for! She sings all the backup vocals that are not the hook.
I wrangled everyone else.
Joe wrangled the thing until it sounded right.
People who’s amazing verses didn’t end up on the song are Mike Eagle, Serengeti, Sophia Eris and Monty Boston. All of those people killed it, but getting this song to flow right was key. I expect to work with all of those people again. I also asked Aesop Rock for a verse but he was working on his outstanding new record y’all are about to get. He gets better every album IMvhO. One day that will happen too.
Aaaaaaaanyway
Listen to it. Tell me what you think.
@yeahrightpos
Bonus note:
My fucking son is on this track. I realized he was closer to an adult than a kid when I heard his verse cranked on the big speakers at the studio.
Eat shit, the grim reaper, I ain’t dead yet. TWO YEARS! #sleepdrone
More new shit soon.
lyrics
I ain’t waiting for nothing
I just show up to shine
That or don't show at all
Sit at home and unwind
They continue they fronting
They keep ignoring the signs
Ain't shit out there I'm hunting
Everything in its time
An it's right now
That bright black
With a sharp tongue
And the beats crack
And he bites back
With shark teeth
And he eats that
That black blocker
That can't stop when the coppers creep
And I don't show up I'm trash talk
I'm fuck peace
I'm Chris Dorner I'm Doberman dirty off leash
I'm Mike Brown I'm Eric Garner I can't breath
We face down
Our teeth are touching the concrete
They curb stomping us
Wearing a crown in our streets
It makes the
Bullshit trivial
Gave a lot of trust and some years to
Some miserable-
Castles made of sand
Heavy hand holding shovels
And trouble man
Counts his real friends on his hook stump
I used to spend a lotta thought on loss
I used to need for every feeling amplified too
You prolly learned early it's better to be hated
And I hate whoever taught you that I'm happy to have learned from you
Same page different book (weird)
Hard feelings
Soft hearts overlooked
(But)
Not here
Your whole veneer 20/20 clear
Keep my warnings out your people's ear let em try to steer
For themselves
Water and bridges
Hurricanes and tryna rebuild visions
Pick a pain I'm sure that I got limits
But fuck it
I'll make incisions
Till I'm dead and re-risen as energy
Tryna exist in superposition
Tryna exist in superposition
Tryna exist in superposition
Clock tickin
Keep livin
Man listen
Come on
[Chorus]
Show up to shine
Show me a sign
Show up to shine
Show me a sign
Show up to shine
Show me a sign
Show up to shine
Show me a sign
I tried to write a note to everyone who came out and supported when my kidney couldn't clean up my poisonous blood
But I just stared at the page
And when I wrote it I felt nothing but the numbing of cliche and tasted nothing but batteries and iron all over my tongue
Words rusted in place
And all I want is to chisel my initials into something permanent now
And raise up these damn kids and make my momma so fucking proud
And mutilate a couple crowds
(Dead)
And all I want is to make art
Keep takes
Break what they say it is
Fakes run the game
And your boy ain't playing it
Nah there ain’t no sense in this haze
If it's up to me
I'll keep the questions in my frequency and throw em often
From now until a coffin calls em
And spit where ever cops be walking
[Kathleen Hanna]
You’re suppose to be happy to be alive
You’re suppose to be lucky to be alive
You’re suppose to be
If it's up to me
The only people in the streets with guns lead communities or hunt for food they need to fight threw
Maybe peacefully
But that's a big maybe
There's More than one way to skin schrodingers cat
Not sure what's holding you back
Theres nothing seriously stoping us
Getting blown off the map
Yeah
Tryna exist in
[Hard_R]
Predict coming events
Visions make me dense
So fuck your two cents
Still a shoulder rub gent
Colder with resent
Fold for what it’s meant
It’s over my man
Go eat a xan
[Allan Kingdom]
You gotta prove your position
You got a new superstition
I coulda never sold dope and hustled through your position
Gimme all black weddings and an all white funeral
Ball like pendulums
I write numerals
Numbers on the boards of life and all mics shootable
Even on your frozen nights when all thighs useable
(future addiction)
[Hard_R]
I’m not an MC
What’s up candy rappers
White talkin keys no houses but with backwards
All these new OGs they got us moving backwards
Whole race at our knees
History in the crapper
[Astronautalis]
I want the food to taste like poison
Till poison tastes like food
I want your home to feel like prison
Till you up and hit the road
I want your job to feel like torture
Till you burn the building down
I want to raise a fucking family out the ashes of this town
[P.O.S]
I miss a quark
And my dark parts wish I didn't
She called me buster and gutted me at the finish
And then it ended-
Only clean break ever and I love her more now prolly cuz of that
In the black
I miss a writer
Who never quite took my edits
I built a pedestal taller than she could let it
And I love her more now cuz of that
Infinite slack
I tied my own rope she took it back
Instead
In the red -
Balancing books and
Pre cum promises
(When)
Love is mean enough to go where it's not wanted and
Fuck up a good simple an sweet
Bliss
Repeat
Campsite rules
Hope it's better when you leave
I miss myself without the calluses
Only hate two and call em dad so the irony could can cut through
I won't be at either funeral
I don't need to see I disrespect them gleefully and eat the pain, rage and guilt
I keep it deep in me
Release my fist
When my ashes hit the pacific and I'm infinitely swimming in the ether
Where the teachers be-
Waves
Thumbs up
Sunglasses emoji
Peace
Tryna exist in superposition
Tryna exist in superposition
Tryna exist in superposition
Clocks ticking
Keep living
Man listen
Come on
[Kathleen Hanna]
Am I trapped inside my body like it's a burning building
[Chorus]
Show up to shine
Show me a sign
[Kathleen Hanna]
Or am I the match that lit myself on fire
[Chorus]
Show up to shine
Show me a sign
(Like a snowflake in an avalanche)
I been waiting for nothing
This pain is nothing
I be clutching my stomach
But this, this here is nothing
Scheming on what I wanted
This pain is nothing
This pain is pumping through my veins it's nothing
Nothing is what I'll take
Everything in its time
Nothing is what I'll ask for
Everything I will make
Ready the fucking drums
Get ready to feel it shake
It's better than being numb
And better owning mistakes
Jehu
Yank crime on ten
Scream super unison
Superposition livin an
Dream like a hooligan
Live like (them)
Dreams might be
Like a real life
See them react
Try to
Act how it feels right
An go
Tryna exist in superposition (go)
Tryna exist in superposition (go)
Tryna exist in superposition (go)
supported by 70 fans who also own “sleepdrone/superposition (feat. Allan Kingdom, Astronautalis, Eric Mayson, Kathleen Hanna, Hard_R, Lydia Liza, Lizzo, Nicholas L. Perez)”
supported by 67 fans who also own “sleepdrone/superposition (feat. Allan Kingdom, Astronautalis, Eric Mayson, Kathleen Hanna, Hard_R, Lydia Liza, Lizzo, Nicholas L. Perez)”
